


Black Magic Woman

by SlipKnitPass



Category: MacGyver (TV 2016)
Genre: Gen, Humor, Jack is convinced magic is real, Mac and Jack argue, Mac only has eyes for Science, but like for fun, even though it's june, good-natured banter, summerween?, vaguely halloween themed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-24
Updated: 2020-06-24
Packaged: 2021-03-04 03:06:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,768
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24886552
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SlipKnitPass/pseuds/SlipKnitPass
Summary: Jack is absolutely certain that Mac's new neighbor is a witch. Mac would just like to stop having this argument all the time.AKA 1700 words of Mac and Jack having a ridiculous argument about his neighbor over the course of two missions.  The consensus on the argument is: ????
Relationships: Jack Dalton & Angus MacGyver (MacGyver TV 2016)
Comments: 9
Kudos: 19





	Black Magic Woman

**Author's Note:**

> I'm trying to get back into writing, so here's a little start! This is a pretty nonsensical plot that wouldn't leave my brain until I'd written it, so I thought why not share it?

**Toronto, Canada**

**Mid-Argument (and mid-mission)**

“My neighbor is _not_ a witch of _any kind.”_

“But Mac, you can’t _prove_ that she’s not not a witch!”

“Was that a triple negative?”

“Whatever man, you know that voo-doo stuff freaks me out!”

Mac rolled his eyes at Jack’s words. They’d been having this argument about once a week since the house next door had been sold. Jack was convinced that the woman who lived there now, a perfectly nice young woman about Mac’s age, was some kind of earth witch. (Or something? Mac had stopped listening pretty early on in Jack’s initial rant on the topic.)

“Besides,” Mac replied distractedly, “is now really the best time to talk about this? Kind of busy.” He gestured to the bomb nestled against a support beam of the garage where their meet was supposed to take place. The meet, it would seem, was off, but the office building on top of the garage was full of innocent people who would be killed if the garage and building collapsed.

“Well, you’ve always liked a little background noise while you’re working, and I just don’t think you’re taking this seriously enough. I mean, the woman could put a spell on you at any time. _Any time,_ Mac! And I’ll tell you something else, I don’t think you should accept anything she gives you. And don’t thank her! Never be in debt to a witch. It’s bad news, man.”

“First of all, it’s fairies that you shouldn’t thank,” Mac corrected as he cut the final wire. “And second, I’d like to see you turn down her homemade jam, which you haven’t, because you’ve had it on your toast the last three times you’ve stayed over.” Mac shifts to shoot Jack a smug I-won-this-argument smirk before turning his attention back to disassembling the now-defused bomb.

“Aw, man, now I’m gonna be cursed for the next seven years!”

\-------

**Somewhere in the Montana woods**

**Still having the same argument**

“No, absolutely not. Uh-uh, ain’t no way you’re putting that on my leg!”

Mac steadfastly ignored Jack’s protests as he dug in his pack for the small plastic tube he knew was buried somewhere in the bottom.

“Jack, we’re kind of low on options. Our first aid kit is in your pack, which is who knows where, ex-fil is at least an hour out, and I don’t exactly see a pharmacy or, you know, a hospital?” Mac gestured to the forest around them. “We’re lucky we found this hunting shed for cover. We need to make sure that stab wound doesn’t get infected.”

“You know I don’t want to use anything your weird earth-mother witch neighbor gave you, Mac! It’s… _she’s_ unnatural.” Those last words are barely more than a whisper, as if Jack feared speaking them would summon Mac’s neighbor.

“Listen, I know that you know her name is Hannah, and this salve she told me to take with me is made with marigolds, which are both natural and thought to have antiseptic properties. So it’s actually a hundred percent natural,” Mac explained with a frustrated sigh.

“That ain’t the point and you know it. And that’s another thing! How’d she know you’d need some kind of hippie Neosporin anyway?”

“Gee, I don’t know Jack, maybe it’s the fact that we come home with bandages, casts, braces, and slings _at least_ once a month. Anyone could put together that we work in a high-risk environment!”

Mac pulled his arm out of his bag and then systematically unpacked it to find the tube, grunting in satisfaction when he found it tucked into a corner of the bag. He also produced a t-shirt that had somehow ended up in his pack, then he set aside the contents of his bag to repack later, after he’d dealt with Jack.

“Or– _or_ she’s a witch who can consult with the spirits and tell the future,” Jack insisted, really warming up to his topic. “She _knows_ things, Mac. Things she shouldn’t know! How’d she know when your birthday was? For that matter, how’d she know to bake you chocolate chip cookies for your birthday? And those apple turnovers she made you so you could “bring them to your friends from work?” How’d she know they’re Riley’s favorite? It ain’t right.”

Mac took advantage of Jack’s attention to his rant and spread the ointment on his leg, tearing up the t-shirt to wrap the whole thing up and hopefully staunch the bleeding.

“So wait, now Hannah’s not just a witch, she can also see the future and somehow has secret knowledge about us?” Mac asked, confused, as he repacked his supplies.

“I’m just sayin’ I wouldn’t put it past her. Something’s strange with her.”

“Or maybe, she knows that pretty much everyone loves chocolate chip cookies and saw the happy birthday balloon you tied to my mailbox. Which I asked you not to do. Repeatedly. And statistically, it’s a coincidence that she made Riley’s favorite last time she sent treats to work. Actually, I distinctly remember her saying she made them because her son likes them, but she didn’t want to keep the extras around.”

“Well, you just have an excuse for everything, don’t you? I still say she’s a witch,” Jack insisted mulishly. “Nobody’s garden looks that good year-round, even in California.”

“So now an understanding of how to take care of plants is a sign of witchcraft? Never mind, I’m not prepared to have this conversation for another hour, so either pass out or change the topic,” Mac responded grumpily.

Jack gives in with raised eyebrows and a gesture of surrender. Five minutes later, Mac isn’t sure that listening to Jack sing Willie Nelson’s entire catalogue of songs is the better option.

Several hours later, Phoenix medical had looked at Jack’s wound, stitched it, dressed it again, and even told Jack that he could go home.

“I’m not sure what you did to Jack’s leg while you were waiting on exfil, but whatever it was really seems to have helped,” the doctor said, impressed, before he turned and left to get Jack’s discharge instructions.

“I told you,” Jack whispered, “witchcraft!”

“Or science and early intervention in wound care?” Mac suggested.

“Witchcraft,” Jack reaffirmed with a nod. Mac just rolled his eyes and helped Jack hobble out to the car.

\-------

**Mac’s House**

**Jack is very uncomfortable**

“Guys, this is my neighbor, Hannah Kent. _Be nice_.” Mac aimed that last sentence directly at Jack. “She was free tonight, so I invited her over for pizza. Hannah this is–”

“Riley, Bozer, and Jack, of course! So nice to finally meet you!” Hannah replied, finishing Mac’s sentence. Jack did a double take, both at her accent (Texan) and the fact that she seemed to know all of them already.

“How did you–” Jack’s words were cut off by a kick to the shin from Mac as he led Hannah to an empty seat on the deck.

“Mac told me all about you! It was so nice of y’all to invite me over. I really haven’t spent any time with people my own age since I moved here. It’s been all kids from my son’s daycare and snobby L.A. moms for me,” Hannah explained with a smile.

“Well I, for one, am glad to have another girl around,” Riley reassured her. “What’s your son’s name?”

“His name is Lucas; he’s 18 months old and staying with his uncle for the weekend so that I can have a social life. Although I have to admit, I miss him already!” Hannah paused to pull out her phone and show the others photos of Lucas and tell a few funny stories about him. “Okay, I’ve definitely reached my daily mom-bragging limit. Enough about my boring mom life, what do you guys do?” She put away her phone and turned her attention to the group.

“We all work with Mac at a think tank. The Phoenix Foundation solves unconventional problems in unconventional ways,” Bozer explained with a smile.

“Let me guess, it’s a front for a secret government organization?” Hannah joked with an eye roll and a laugh. “That was a joke?” she explained when no one reacted. The agents sitting on the deck relaxed and laughed along with her. Mac looked over when he felt Jack nudge his ankle, only to see him exaggeratedly mouthing the word “witch.” Mac ignored him and turned back to the conversation, which had moved on without them.

As the night wore on and the team got to know Mac’s neighbor, they found her to be friendly and down-to-earth, with a razor-sharp sense of humor. She was quick with a comeback and held her own against all of them, despite being a newcomer. It was more fun than any of them had expected to have with a stranger in their midst.

“I hate to call it a night, but I’ve got to get home,” Hannah said several hours later. “I want to take advantage of having tomorrow all to myself and get some gardening and herb picking done. It’s significantly easier without a baby underfoot.”

Riley and Bozer protested good-naturedly and asked when she’d be back for another pizza night. Jack said nothing, just shooting her a vague smile ( _Who admits to herb-picking?_ Jack thought to himself. _Witches, that’s who_ ). After extracting a promise from Hannah to come back _and_ bring Lucas at some point, they waved her on. Mac stood up with an offer to walk her home, which she politely declined.

“That’s very gentlemanly of you to offer, but I think I’ll make it just fine. I’ll even go in through the back door so you can watch me make it inside.”

Mac blushed a little as Jack teased him about having “raised him right” and stooped to give Hannah a brief hug. Although Mac wasn’t much of a hugger, he knew that she was.

The team watched her walk to the deck stairs, where she paused for a moment, looking back over her shoulder.

“Hey Jack,” she called, “when that tickle in your throat becomes a cold sometime tomorrow, try this tea.” She dug in her pocket for a moment, then tossed a little cloth bag filled with tea bags right into Jack’s lap. “It’s a home remedy that’s saved me a bunch of times.”

The team’s stunned silence lasted until Hannah made it to her own house. As soon as she disappeared from sight, Riley, Bozer, and Mac swiveled to stare at Jack.

“Well?” Riley asked. “Are you feeling sick Jack?”

“Damnit, Mac, I _told_ you that woman is a witch!”


End file.
